I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
