so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
