it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
me + whiskey = a bad person
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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