PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
