Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
