We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
