We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
