Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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