Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
