bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
