last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
