After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
