i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
