also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
