I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
