chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Acid is not a monday night drug
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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