how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
