i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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