Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
