you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
