The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My feet surprised me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
