The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
BRING THE BAGELS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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