I showed him my bush... on skype.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
