Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
