they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
