Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
