I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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