Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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