I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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