are you still at the devil's house?
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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