When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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