hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
