The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
