my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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