my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think your dad took our porno
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
