I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
