Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
