I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
