i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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