u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
