Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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