so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
