You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
