It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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