I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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