Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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