No awkward lesbian experiences without me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
