Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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