TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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