Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
