apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
