then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
