what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
