My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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