When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
