belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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