I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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